by pooterpatty » Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:47 pm
Glad you suggested that Bill.
Here's what I'd do if elected president:
- Everyone on death row would be dead, which would go a long way toward justifying the name "death row". I consider dying of old age on death row to be cruel and unusual punishment. I could take care of a state's entire death row population with a ditch 6 feet deep and just a few hand grenades.
- Close the borders to the south and the north, no fences needed, just have a mile-wide buffer zone with mine fields. Streamline the legal immigration process to make it easier for people who want to live in America to do it the right way.
- Make English the national language and require all immigrants to learn at least a little bit of the mother tongue. Would you live in Japan without knowing how to speak at least a little Japanese? If not, you're an idiot.
- Musicians and artists would receive an annual salary from the government equal to that of a Congressman or Senator, simply for making beautiful things for non-artists and non-musicians to enjoy.
- Dissolve the IRS and move to a consumption-tax based system.
- Eliminate our dependence on oil by mandating the development of technologies we already know to be viable, like wind, solar, and fuel cells.
- Raise the minimum wage so that people who make minimum wage can actually afford to live on it.
- Make sure that EVERY public school has an extensive music and art program, with all instruments and materials provided free of charge. If this means that the football team can no longer afford their own bus and new uniforms, so be it - cry me a river.
- Earmarks? Not anymore!
- Elected officials caught soliciting sex in airport bathrooms, accepting bribes, bowing to special interest groups, or in any other way tarnishing our founding fathers' Grand Experiment will be stripped of their titles and forced to man radar towers in Alaska.
These are just a few of the things I'd do if elected. I don't have all the answers, so I'm looking for a good vice president and a cabinet of trustworthy people - any takers?