Brass Monkeys Balls !!!

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Postby Wedgebill » Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:26 pm

Having been asked today about the Olde Worlde English expression:-

"Cold enough to Freeze the Balls off a Brass Monkey"

I thought I ought to post the explanation to clear up any doubt and stop anyone thinking I might be vulgar at any time :rolleyes:

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.
Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus,it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression, didn't you? You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least a few uneducated friends :P

Uncle Bill :cool:
No-one remembers what you do or say. Everyone remembers how you made them feel. Allegedly !!!!

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Postby mickeymix » Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:34 pm

Wooo! Now that's a load of old balls! :D
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Postby scott » Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:09 pm

Ahoy me old hearties ... 'tis Capn' Highlander here of HMS Bollocks!
Olde Worlde Uncle Bille is leading you all astray.

The term comes from the monkeys which are held in Edinburgh Zoo. During the Scottish summer it gets so cold that their bollocks do actually drop off. The monkeys then use them to knock against the bars of their cage creating melodies which, in turn, endear them to the US tourists who, in turn, throw coins. The monkeys collect the 'brass' and use it buy welding equipment to re-attach the dismembered spherical gentlemen's objects.

Do not be mislead by the spurious explanations of an old codger who is attempting to distance himself from the revelation that he can fart in the key of F. :rolleyes:
Cheers!
Scott
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Postby Wizzelteats » Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:53 pm

My favorite variation of that saying is "It's cold enough to freeze the nuts off a bridge!" And for the record, Scott's explanation is much better... if not accurate. *tosses coins, and poo.
... Lighten up Francis
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Postby bazworld » Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:18 pm

man you learn somthing new everyday.
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Postby Wedgebill » Sun Mar 22, 2009 5:24 pm

One species of Brass Monkey is alive and well ( apart from obviously being exposed to extreme cold at some point :rolleyes: ) and living in New Zealand ;)

Image
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Postby Wizzelteats » Sun Mar 22, 2009 8:36 pm

Is he pondering where all the sheep are? Or perhaps when he'll get his first pair of Wellie's and thus become a man-monkey?
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Postby scott » Sun Mar 22, 2009 8:56 pm

Wedgebill wrote:One species of Brass Monkey is alive and well ( apart from obviously being exposed to extreme cold at some point :rolleyes: ) and living in New Zealand ;)

http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj74/Wedgebill/800px-Stanthorpe-brass-monkey-1942.jpg

The poor bugger's in a sorry state. D'you think he's noticed that his third ball has rolled in to the bushes behind?
Cheers!
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